Staring: Madrileños fecking love staring. On the metro, in restaurants, on the street, in class- everywhere! Even if you make eye contact they won't stop!
Jamón: I swear to God you can buy Jamón flavoured crisps over here. That's going too far. Every time I turn around I'm walking into a rotting pig's leg hanging from the ceiling. They smell like dog nuts (the biscuity, nutty things that you mix in with their wet food- not the other nuts).
Crazies: Les encantan los crazies! They are actually everywhere! Every time I walk down the street, someone shouts at me. I was beginning to take it personally until I realised they were shouting at everyone. They love congregating on the metro- so watch out! The other day we were sitting outside Starbucks and a guy wandered through the tables about 5 or 6 times, shouting about capitalism, then he kicked over a bin. Two minutes later, he returned, picked up the bin, picked up an ashtray, spat on the table and then put the ashtray back on top of it. Gentleman.
Beer & alcohol: They drink beer for breakfast. No joke. You can buy cañas of beer with your desayuno. We were in a bookshop today and they were selling gin. Gin in a bookshop. They even had tonic and lemons too! Gin for the win!
Bright trousers: Someone needs to tell these men that bright coloured trousers are not attractive, especially when worn with loafers without socks.
Saps.
Men with bad haircuts: They're everywhere. Barber college, my arse. More like clown college.
Hard bras: Cups of steel! Well, not quite, but they're really hard and uncomfortable! And no one should have that much padding in a bra!
Fruit & Veg shops: They can't get enough of them.
Olive oil: Like seriously guys, 40 calories in one tesapoon of oil.
Hating vegetarians: Spain is ridiculously difficult for vegetarians! During Franco's regime, vegetarianism was discouraged and any veggie restaurants were shut down. We went for lunch the other day and were told that we could only take the table as long as we were ordering the Menu del Día- grand for me, but there was nothing for veggies at all! That was Yas gone! In the end it cost her more for a little bit of iceberg lettuce, a few olives, some tomato, chips, a coffee and a drink than it did for my Menu del Día- a starter, chicken breast with salad and chips, a drink, bread and a dessert! If you are travelling to Spain on a veggie diet, be prepared that it is going to be hard! A lot of their veg is also cooked in animal fat and a lot of their pastries contain animal fat too!
Meat: They really love their meat- especially if it still has a face or feet. Expect bones. They feckin love them.
Long hair, beautiful women and huge feet: All the woman seem to be about 6 foot tall, tanned, thin and have flowing locks. They also have massive feet. On my quest to find a pair of shoes today, the only sizes that I could find were 40s or 41s and I'm a 38. FAIL.
Laser Hair Removal: They do it everywhere! I'm pretty sure you could have it done in the bars if you were really desperate.
PDAs: Public Displays of Affection- perhaps that's just jealousy talking.
Smoking: Even the children smoke!
Bidets: I'm of the opinion that whatever you want to do in your own home, you're more than welcome to do it. However, on a trip to the public bathroom in the college library the other day I came across this beside the sinks.
Sure who needs privacy when you're having an auld scrub? I'm pretty sure the bars are to make sure that no one falls in and gets lost.
Taking their time: I've never seen a less motivated race of people when it comes to bureaucracy. I've spent two of the last three weeks queuing.
Hand gestures: Don't stand too close to a Spaniard who is telling a story or you might just get a smack.
Shouting: Sure why talk when you can shout? I'm pretty sure that everyone on the Metro wants to hear about your aunt's verrucas. It's not like I'm trying to have my own conversation or anything!
God: I don't know if it's religiousness or laziness but the city shuts down on a Sunday. God forbid you're gagging for a cuppa scald and you run out of (crap) milk!
Cola Cao: I mean really, who goes to the pub and orders a glass of chocolate milk? The Madrileños apparently.
Bank charges: I think I'm getting charged every time I walk past the bank on the corner.
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